True Love

True Love.

True love is when someone hands me a bucket of chicken. Have you ever tried chicken with some extra hot sauce? Whenever I taste such tasty chicken, I want to spend the rest of my life in the restaurant. The last time I had some, I was pretty determined to marry the chef who made me such a meal but he rejected my proposal because it was a plastic ring. He ruined my fantasy of breakfast in bed. What happened to true love?
Gold and silver I had none but my stomach I could give him, isn’t that what matters?

True love is when you kidnap me on a Sunday Morning and quietly take me home on Monday Evening. Lately, I realized that Sleeping on Sunday or during service has a special vibe or feeling. I guess its that feeling that makes people confess love. I wish African Parents would realize there’s a lot more than going to church every Sunday before 7am, maybe Debby could convince my parents on that. What happened to beauty sleep and being fashionably late?
If you ever kidnap me and you fail to take me back to my mama on Monday, she  would pray with all the love she has for me and believe me, a limo floating in the sky would be there to pick me up and squash your face to the wall. Have you witnessed the end results of praying and fasting in an African Home?
Key Advice: Don’t mess with a “mountain on fire” minister….I heard their seats are made with hot coal and wood. Don’t look at me that way, Chelsey told me that!

True Love can sometimes be disgusting.  I totally despise the public display of affection. I don’t think Patrick has figured out that he isn’t the only guy in the world with a happy relationship, I mean….I’m in a sweet relationship too. Excuuuuussssseee me but I am lonely and I am in no way having a cute relationship and I’m taking this love issue so personal. Don’t kiss beside me because I could clip your lips with a metallic peg. Have you heard of oppression, it’s real!!!!!!! If oppression is a disease, I would be flying around the world in my ghosty dress because I would be the first to die. If you want to love peacefully, convince the chef to marry me. Dont mind me Patrick, blame oppression!

Where is the true love?
On my jog today, I saw this little old lady talking to her cat. From her hand gestures and body language it was clear Anyanwu thought the cat understood her. I hope I never get that lonely and senile.
Anyway…I went home and told my dog about her. We laughed and laughed..
I think a dog is a better company than hanging out with friends who are all in love and you’re so depressed that even your loneliness left you. Don’t we all have that one friend that’s single but gives relationship advice to everyone? Trust me, Stephanie might act so cool about her singleness but deep down, she’s hoping her advice would screw you up. Don’t tell her I told you this.

True love is when your professor folds your D7 exam paper while handing it over to you. If you ever encounter an affectionate and lovely professor that wouldn’t use your test paper as a flyer for his campaign to revolve dense students, don’t forget to say hello to him/her for me coz I’m not always lucky to meet them. Those profs are the real lovers. If you doubt me, ask the Nas’s. Those goons appreciate a prof who understands their failure. If you got a prof like Osunde, don’t bother praying, your big fat ugly zero would be next to the class timetable on the wall. I don’t know why Somkene has to record our maths scores all the time, its really embarrassing when everyone is staring at your zero but I think its fair enough. If it had to be my honorable maths prof, he would have written an application for me to move back to 9th grade.

Have you ever ditched school and your friends made up an excuse for you? That’s true love!
I remember this one time that I wasn’t planning to ditch school, I was just late but Faith had already told my professor that I broke my ribs. I was a long day of lies but eventually Mr C.J believed that my ribs healed over night. Isn’t God A miracle worker? I think mayorkun should be inlove with me by now, noone’s got his back like me. Two physics lessons in a session but I made Mr Haruna believe he was in class for every lesson. Am I not amazing?

Have you experienced true love at first sight? That happened to me a long time ago. I don’t know how it all happened but Aunty Shike couldn’t get me out of the Tuck Shop. It was like I was being drawn by a magnetic force. Damn!! Those meat pie’s are really handsome.

I’m done with Netflix. After a whole day of staring at my screen and seeing nothing but a bunch of people living a lovely romantic life, I’m beginning to feel like Ruth. How could she be so lonely and happy? Last year she was sad, lonely and depressed and when I asked her this year, she said she managed to turn things around. Now, she is depressed, lonely and sad. So much for true love!

How much of true love can anyone feel? Don’t ask me, I have no idea about love. I’m beginning to believe my pastor when he said Noone loves me like God but he needs to rephrase it a bit, it would be better if he said “Noone loves you but God.”

Final Advice: If you’re lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while, it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

© Anna.

29 comments

  1. True love is when your teacher acts like your mother but then puts you in trouble…. I learnt from moraksThat woman is addicted to Theresa😂
    It’s also when your “teacher” who is expected to guide you tells you he’s your “worst nightmare”…. Mr Joseph can explain best😂😂 Mbachu has a better story tho😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. SMiles True
    Love IS A
    Witty Fool
    Within Who Never Gets Bored Entertaining Life

    Is Enough

    Complete

    Within

    Even When

    No One Else
    Wants To Play
    Sure Play With God

    Annabel

    With SMiles🙏🙌

    Like

  3. This is good one Anna!!!!… Loads of love from your dear friend Tanushree a blogger…. Love from India…. Keep linking buddy…. God bless you.. Hope you will soon find a true love.. Actually to have true love is the essence of life.. I too have true love it’s a grate fantasy… Love at first sight and now going to complete 9 months of our togetherness please pray for my beautiful relationship to longlast forever…. I got my Prince charming.. My first and last love The most presious my lifeline the lucky one is none other than #Rohit_aka_venom…. Love to live in his arms forever ❤️😍🙈….. Pray from Nigeria.. Yet you are too far away from me… Hope we’ll meet at lest once in a life.. Must visit India once…. You are always heartily welcomed

    Liked by 2 people

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