Why Do People Cheat? No, seriously, why do people cheat? If you knew you couldn’t keep your manhood to yourself, why the heck did you say “I do”, it wasn’t surely to eat good food only. He who would purposely cheat on his wife would cheat on his God.What a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same. A woman who cheats is far more disgusting than a man who cheats. Commitment and faithfulness is an expensive gift, do not expect it from cheap people. If you can’t save the relationship, at least save your pride. A true romantic man is one who romances one woman forever. Don’t promise me the moon or the stars. Just promise you’ll stay under them with me forever. A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave. A relationship without trust and commitment is like pushing a door that says PULL…It just won’t work…If you could go back to the day you met a cheating partner, turn around and walk away. Ladies, if your man keeps seeing that lady you asked him never to talk to, use his toothbrush to clean the toilet seat. Win-Win.
You Snore. Here I am wide awake at 2am contemplating sewing your lips up or stuffing a dozen pillows down your throat. How on earth would I get my beauty sleep while you’re snoring like an elephant or better still, a pregnant hippo. Laugh and I would laugh with you but Snore and you’ll sleep alone. Girls fall in love with what they hear and so far, you’ve given me enough reasons to never sleep in the same room with you. There has to be some snoring test everyone has to do before marriage, I wouldn’t want to suffocate my husband in bed. And the most annoying fact is that those who snore, fall asleep first. Sleeping with a man who snores is like sleeping with a chainsaw, 50 bucks if you get any sleep. And if you can deal with snoring as a woman, please indicate in your wedding vows “I vow to love you. Snoring included.”. I never knew snoring had different beats until I met you. And you still have the guts to question why I decided to spend the night in Jacob’s bed. How confident!
The First Step To Success Is To Embrace Failure. A risky thing happens when you’re not prepared for an exam. YOU CHEAT. A funny thing happens when you can’t cheat in an exam. YOU FAIL. Take a look at yourself Madam, yes, take a good look at your life. You’re crying now but two weeks ago, you were in search of your ride or die. Have you found your donkey? Have you ridden him yet? Believe me, the only thing dying here is your career. Physics would have been much easier if a tree had fallen on Newton’s head instead of the apple. The funniest thing that can happen is to discover that you copied someone’s else name in an exam…my dear friend, try to understand that education is not your calling. School for 12 years, college for 4 years. then you work until you die. Great. Life surely cheats us!!
Cheating Your Boss Prolongs Your Life Span. I mean, they alone embezzle all the office funds with all other bastards above them. So that little window you get to save your self some extra change, be sure to shake the office and sweep the account clean. You work 8 hours everyday only to receive chicken change as a salary, who are you? The beast of burden? Don’t let someone who does no work in the office boss you around. And that’s why I would love to be self employed in future. This way, cheating my clients would be a lot easier. No competition!
I Respect Tithe Thieves. Imagine stealing from the offertory box. Don’t you have the fear of God? I am scared of who isn’t scared of stealing from the church. But wait a minute, every tithe collector in most churches own the biggest cars, isn’t that suspicious? Stealing from God is the easiest way to cheat oneself. And that is why I endeavor to pay my offerings neglecting the seducing smell of those mouth watering samosa’s. But for God’s sake…those elders in church should make the temptation less difficult to overcome. Get rid of the Samosa’s or the woman baking them. And to think of it, they’re complaining of a rapid decrease in tithes since May. They should do the maths; and who let that pastry woman in to the church in the first place? Now I can’t even give my tithe in peace.
I Enjoy Cheating Netflix. I do not like to cheat but when it comes to Netflix, that’s a huge exception. Who the hell expects me to subscribe for an app that would still require me to watch the movies with mobile data. And that is why my friends, when I got the hack codes, I made it a point of duty to stop this corruption. Now, everyone in school is using the hacked Netflix and I’m already half way done with sharing the codes with the entire Federal Capital Territory Of Nigeria. I am already proud of myself.
You Can’t Cheat A Soldier. Cheating a soldier only happens when your brain decides to cheat on you. You’ll never recover from the impact. Why do people not see the folly in decisions they make? That man you’re about to cheat has successfully completed about a thousand push-ups under the rain, sun and earthquake alongside being starved for days. To be frank, he has seen hell and back. And you want to cheat him? Just a high five on your face would send you to see your favorite grand parents in a minute. Wait a minute, he’s not done with you yet. Now, will you do those frog jumps well?!!
Cheating An African Mother. I’m an African and the most impossible, risky thing to do after cheating a soldier is to cheat your mother. How did I know? I always learn my things in a very hard way. I remember this one time my mother asked me to never add sugar to my tea once she has already added. This particular morning, the tea tasted like a blend of bitter leaf and some other herbs so I decided to add some sugar. Low and behold, this woman appeared some minutes later and on discovering I was enjoying the tea( or rather herbs) she had prepared, she questioned the contents. I was quick to deny and maintained my lie until I heard her words “This sugar was exactly 1,235,670 crystals this morning. I am going to have to count it again to confirm because I only took out 2 crystals for your tea. It should be 1,235,668 if you didn’t take out of it.” On hearing her words, my tea crystallized. To cut the long story short, I haven’t taken tea again since 2007. I have twelve more years before I am unbanned. God knows how tea tastes like because I can’t recollect the taste.
Like Everything, Cheating Requires Talent. And like most basic things, we need it to survive in this world. Yes, people believe cheating is wrong but on the good side, I’m watching free Netflix. So you can’t convince me on that one. Do you know staying up to chat with the love of your life or reading late at night means cheating nature? You basically don’t know this because you’re too busy smiling than using your brain. Just calm down, this heartbreak would get to everybody one at a time. And if you believe you can’t or shouldn’t cheat anyone, then
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