How To Save

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My Journey to save began the moment I broke my piggy bank and took out my last 200 naira note. I can’t honestly decide if that was the beginning or the end. So much for trying to save for two minutes. Pro tip, if you intend to save, you must also ditch those jam donuts. You can’t save $5 and spend $500 on your stomach. The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your money.’ Rather, think of it as your tithe and offering. With that, you would know that once you spend it, there is surely an angel eyeing you from the corner.

Money Often costs too much. And it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white…the only color that matters is green inside a box. The safest way to double your savings is to fold your money before sticking it inside the piggy box. That way, $5 would be $5 in two folds. Everyday, I get up and look through my saving box for any encouragement. If there’s none, I go back to reading my Bible. Besides, heaven is the goal. No matter how much you hug your money, it would never hug you back. Who needs a hug anyway? Slap me a check of $1000 please.

If You Lend Someone $200 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. And shame on you for lending him $200 in the first place. I can only lend $1 dollars to anyone. That’s actually how much I have left until my rich uncles visit at Christmas. You spend money you haven’t earned, to buy things you don’t want, to impress people you don’t like. Idiots! I want the money I haven’t earned, to buy things I like and to impress my mother. Anything else is Shalaye.

My purse is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry. If saving money is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Staying in bed all day is my own way of saving money. Less data to waste, more money to save. I’m stuck between ‘I need to save money’ and ‘you only live once.” Saving is a very fine thing especially if your parents have done it for you. Cheers to us who have to do the savings for ourselves and our entire lineage. Why? Because you’re an African. At the ripe age of 10, your parents should be reaping the fruits of their labor. But alas, that’s not the case for some of us. We are having an out of money experience.

Saving is hard, Its even harder if you’re in a relationship. I can live without a boyfriend but I can’t live without money. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. Every girl would like to marry a rich husband. And every boy would like to marry a wife that can save the money. Sometimes, you look back at the girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real. Beware of little expenses because a little leak can sink the ship. And there you go, get her a pen for her birthday. And save the rest for the wedding. Because in all, women believe that it’s the men’s business to make money and theirs to spend.

Save Money and money will save you. How do I know this? It was a bright morning that I found 500 naira in my back pocket. I didn’t save the money, the money was saving itself from boredom. I guess it was lonely to be the only cash left in an entire household. Its not about how much money you have, but how much money you can keep. That’s so rich of them to say because I have been keeping this 10# in my pocket for a year now and I haven’t stopped begging my father for his hotspot. A penny saved is a penny earned. Nah…. A penny saved is a doughnut missed.

Never Spend Your Money Before You Have Earned It. Never spend more than you can afford. Don’t make promises to your partner when you’re happy. Because you wouldn’t realize you promised her a yacht until that smile is upside down. The waste of money cures itself, because soon, there would be no money to waste. If women didn’t exist, saving would be a lot easier and all the money in the world would have no meaning. In my country, you have to get the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. And when you get the power, you get the women. And when you get the women, you can’t do the savings. I rob banks because that’s where the money is. And if you’re going to be needing me to pay back the money I owe you this month, check back on me next month. I owe much, I have nothing; I have decided to sign up for

Squid Game. Taaa Daaa!!

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