No matter how invaluable we see ourselves, they’ll always be someone who doesn’t want us, because you’re not they’re type, they will always be someone to reject you. That’s how cruel the world works, especially when it’s someone we like. As my friend always says “heartbreak go reach everybody”. Some of us are lucky though, we meet the love of our lives at 17, date for 7 years and get married at 28, I think its all bullshit.

I’m not as bitter as I sound, and I definitely do not have any prejudice against relationships of any kind, but some of the ones I’ve been into (not that I’ve been in many, just one and a half if I’m to say) just makes me want to give up the experience entirely. Boys, men, males, they’re all a pain in the ass, and in as much as I wouldn’t like to generalize because I’ve met some fantastic people, it’s really hard. You might laugh at this, but I’ll be talking about the relationship I had while I was 17.

I was ignorant and had just started university. I didn’t really like this person immediately, I thought he was a little bit ugly at first even, but then, a person could be ugly but still attractive right? All that bull crap about beauty being in the eyes of the beholder. We were in the talking stage, or probably the stage where all females behave nonchalantly because they’re either interested in you but just don’t know it yet, or they aren’t interested in you but just want to have some fun, and no, I do not know the reason why girls act that way, they’re confusing to me too.

So we talked and talked, and I began to like him, and I’m not lying when I say he was very good at talking. What I didn’t know was that he had a girlfriend, so I was some kind of joke or the more conventional name a “SIDECHICK”. I was this person’s emotional safe house. Whenever he felt like he had enough of his girlfriend’s trouble for a while, he would come to me to talk, to pat his ego and make him feel better, but I suffered. It didn’t take long though, I found out I wasn’t the only girl in his life, I didn’t like the idea of sharing someone I liked with someone else but I couldn’t just leave him immediately, I liked him too much already. I asked him to choose, between me and her, but I already knew it was a lost battle; you know how you can feel how something would turn out but still doubt it that was how it was for me.

But he made promises, was manipulative, and my ignorant ass fell for it. It got so bad that I began to doubt and compare myself a lot to her and I had done a lot of comparisons in my life so I was sick of the feeling, it disgusted me. I’m confident that she knew something was going on between the two of us, but she still didn’t leave him, the extent of our stupidity. The difference between the two of us though, was that he liked her more. I couldn’t continue that way, I left him, blocked him everywhere, but he had the guts to call me back and ask that I should take him back, talk to him. I had created an argument and made it seem like the reason I didn’t want to talk to him any longer, but I’m quite certain he knew the real reasons why. If he played ignorant or really wasn’t aware, it was none of my business, I had to get him out of my life by any means necessary.

It felt good to detoxify, but it took a long time working on my self-confidence and self-love. I haven’t really liked anyone since and even if I do, I like them out of pity for trying too hard. No one’s in my life right now though, it takes a lot to be in a relationship and I’m working on myself at the moment, I’d like to be rich in the future. To wrap it all up, you don’t need anyone’s validation to measure your self-worth, be you, love you and live for you.


  1. Oh Lord i Remember my First Love At 18 She Told me
    i Was Hers And There Would Be No Room For Things
    Like Working-Out As i Was ALL Hers Dear Annabel’s FRiEnD

    So i Became Hers

    All Hers Until there was
    really Not Much Left of me

    Oh Goodness Lesson Learned

    When She Decided One Day on the
    Dance Floor When “After The Love is Gone”
    Was Playing By ‘Earth Wind And Fire’ So Appropriately

    That i Was No

    Longer Hers

    In Other Words
    i Was Not Someone
    She Wanted Anymore

    Oh Lord it Took me A While
    To Become Mine Again as me…

    Lesson Learned Never Believe
    Our Love Ends When We Give it Away

    Now i Am

    Love to Give As
    i Remain As Love Now…

    Yes Inhaling Peace Exhaling Love…

    Yet It’s True For Many Years i Still
    Remembered Her As Muse And Even

    Played That Song “After The Love is Gone”

    if i needed to Shed a Few Tears to Get Back in Long


    Winter Days
    Now I’m Always
    Warm Within God Yes All in All
    i Generate my Own Love to Give…

    And True my Wife at 51 Looks Not Much
    Older Than That First Love From 1978 Yes
    And i Even Have The Pics to Prove it Hehe…

    Some Folks Even Ask if My Wife is Her When they See the Pics
    Yet Not Nearly From the Year 1978 As Ancient Cars in the Photos Depict…

    i Was Such A Nerd at 15, Yet Thankfully There Was A Nerd (Beta) Club in School
    Back Then in 1975 And A Girl Invited me to ‘The Beau Dance’, WallFlowers We Were Then

    And Now Nope, Nope,
    i Dance Everywhere
    i Go And Basically
    Yes Hold Tear Down An Entire Metro Area Wall
    of Dance in Public for 16,088 Miles NoW iN101 Months!

    It’s True Now i am Older Than Most People in NuMBeRS Yet
    Younger Within in Soul Than Most Folks Will Even Fathom, hehe..;)


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