Just for clarity, I am not a feminist. That’s was probably your first thought whilst reading the title, another feminist, a self-proclaimed life coach/adviser or should I say, an angry woman who doesn’t know her place. Well, you could think whatever you like, I just don’t like labels for myself. And just to be on the same page, women have it hard too; the fallacy that we just have everything dumped on our laps is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. I am not trying to invalidate the experiences of men because I also have some very interesting takes on men suffering from the effects of the patriarchy, but for this topic I will only be discussing about what women face because I am one.
Have you ever felt like the only thing you’re good for is to be sold off? Have you ever felt like your existence doesn’t matter because you were only born to complete someone else’s life? Have you ever felt like you had to hold down your aspirations and desires because you might bring shame to the family? Have you ever felt like the main responsibilities you were taught to have as a person was to cook, clean and bear children? Have you ever feared for you safety at night because you might get raped? I don’t know about you, but I have felt these and way worse.
Women are often told to pray for a good husband, who would be rich but humble, confident but not proud and a little bit harsh but understanding. Someone willing to let you follow your passion, and I just think, isn’t that an injustice to men in the first place, to have all those requirements to be considered a real man and husband and secondly to the woman because she’s an adult, she can decide whatever she want with her life and it also makes her look feeble minded and too vulnerable, not that vulnerability is a bad thing.
In African homes mainly, it’s some sort of achievement when your children get married, especially your daughters. Mothers have a high sense of pride when they know that their daughters have their own families, but sometimes for the females it’s the worst feeling ever, that at the end of the day, that was your only value. I understand that as human beings, we are hard wired to want companionship, but must it be imposed in us? Must we be the ones to be good and meek, a little bit shy and almost every time innocent, free from all the dark stains of life and ready to be served?
Because we are naturally disadvantaged, from the age of 45 and beyond we may not be able to give birth to children any longer, so for every woman, it is advised that you get married when you’re younger. Getting married at a younger age isn’t only where the problem stops though, problems like birth complications, being able to cook, being a good wife material and all the bullshit that comes from being a wife, probably even enduring domestic abuse.
In all honestly, I know we have a very long way to go concerning topics relating to gender, I also know about all the debates going on about how men are the providers and women are the housewives I guess, with supporting evidence like the muscle mass, bone structure and testosterone, but must we suffer for nature?“>