How To Make Fewer Comparisons

Hello Everyone, 

Welcome to my blog “Anna’s Styles”. Thank you for visiting and reading my blog posts. If you are new here, this is my safe space for sharing my experiences and thoughts. You are welcome to discuss and interact with me and other readers. 

You may remember that I made a post a few days ago on “How I Overcame My Inferiority Complex.” If you haven’t read this post, you can use this link to visit the page. I received some comments on that post and one of them came from Zainab. She was particularly interested in discovering how I made fewer comparisons in high school as it helped me to overcome my inferiority complex. Today, I have decided to make a post about it. Everything contained in this post is based on my perspective and experience.

If you haven’t read Zainab’s blog, I really wish you could head over to her blog and check out some of her amazing posts. She is an aspiring young journalist aiming to spread positivity through her writings. Here is a link to Zainab’s blog. 

Let’s dive into today’s post. 

What Is Inferiority Complex? 

In psychology, an inferiority complex is an intense personal feeling of inadequacy, often resulting in the belief that one is in some way deficient, or inferior, to others. For me, it is a constant feeling that I am not as good, as intelligent, or attractive as other people. Inferiority complex can take many forms; academic, personality, physical, mental, and financial inferiority complex. Whatever form, it is that constant whisper at the back of your mind that you are not as good as others or can never have what they have. It is not the same as noticing that someone is better than you, because we all meet people who are better than us. It is how you respond to the feelings of seeing someone better than you. Do you feel motivated? Or do you feel worthless? Do you feel inspired? Or do you feel inferior and inadequate?

What Steps Did I Take To Make Fewer Comparisons?

I Recognized That Everyone Is Flawed And Imperfect: I believe that the major cause of my inferiority complex was my inability to recognize that everyone is flawed and perfection is impossible. I wanted to change a lot of things about my life because I felt that these features and characteristics made me weird. But in reality, they made me unique. Everyone is flawed. The girl with a 4.0 GPA in your class is flawed. The best student in your maths class is flawed. That perfect kid is flawed. We all need fixing. But the thing about inferiority complex is that it makes you focus on your flaws. It gives you a false illusion of yourself, concealing the beauty of your uniqueness but highlighting “your” problems that everyone else has. Once I accepted my flaws, my mind couldn’t use them against me. I chose to look beyond my imperfection and appreciate my true self. 

I Realized Everyone Was Working On Their Problems And I Wasn’t. One day, the best mathematics student in our class walked up to me and asked for help. He asked me to tutor him for an English test. I did. The aftermath of our time together was self-reflection. I asked myself “What have I done all this time to get better at maths?…” And I realized that I have been so busy thinking about my problems rather than finding a solution to them. If the smartest kid in class could identify that I was better than him at English and decided to seek help from me, why couldn’t I do the same? He did not spend hours crying or feeling worthless because he wasn’t good at English, instead, he decided to improve himself. There was a huge difference between him and me. He noticed his flaws, and he decided to work on them. I noticed my flaws and I decided to focus on them. 

I Identified My Strength. I used to think I wasn’t good enough. I would look at my classmates and feel like an imposter. But when I began to work on myself, I also began to notice how good I was. I identified my strengths. I didn’t compare myself with my classmates like “Oh, I’m a good athlete and he isn’t…” No. That is not the way to deal with inferiority complex. The main goal of identifying your strength is to become better at them. To understand that you are special and talented. And to silence those whispers at the back of your mind that continuously remind you that you are worthless. It worked for me. As I ran around the field every day, I would appreciate my strength. It was impossible for everyone to be like me. Why would I give that away to be someone else? As my housemates cheered for me during our sports competition, confident that I would come first place, I knew that they trusted me. They saw me as their champion and I should look at everyone else that way. So anytime I hear those whispers saying “That’s Mary, she could solve the mathematics equation and you couldn’t..” I would say to that voice. “Well, I had a 10 on our English test and it was a really hard test…” 

Some people have asked me “What if someone who triggers your inferiority complex is better than you at everything? How do you deal with that?” You see, inferiority complex is not about the other person. It’s about you. There is no way you can change that person or sabotage their abilities. It is simply the feeling of contentment about yourself. It is appreciating yourself. Our fingers are not equal. They can never be unless you cut all of them to the level of the thumb. And when you do that, your hand becomes worthless. It is the same in life. Everyone in this world can not be equal. You can not be the same person as your neighbor. You have a package, he does too. But maybe he has opened his and you haven’t. And then you are trying to use his key to open yours. It’s impossible. You have to use what has been given to you, your special key to open your package. You can not deal with inferiority complex by struggling to be better than everyone. Instead, identify that which makes you unique and work on it. Identify your strength and expand yourself. 

I Practiced Gratitude. If you have food in your fridge, clothes on your body, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of the entire world. If you can read and understand this post, you are more fortunate than the 3 billion people in the world who are blind, deaf, and illiterate. Life is not about complaining. Life is about thousands of other reasons to be grateful and happy. Understand this, and your life will be blessed. Be grateful for who you are and what you do. Some people would give anything to be you, some people would do anything to have what you have. So, appreciate yourself, be grateful for your life, and practice self-love. 

I Appreciated Failure. Inferiority complex can cause issues of perfection. You may slowly become a perfectionist. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you don’t fail, you will never learn. You need to understand that failure is part of self-growth. If you constantly succeed at everything you do, you will rarely try to improve yourself or work on your skills. Failing a test can be painful but it doesn’t mean you are a failure or you’re not smart. It means you need to work on yourself. Failure is not the end. It is an assurance that what you are striving for can be achieved. It is a gateway to discoveries, ideas, and thoughts. Give yourself some kudos for trying. 

I Helped Others. There is nothing better and more satisfying than reaching out and helping people. I believe that what matters at the end of everything is not what you have or your accomplishments, it’s about who you have helped and what you have given back to this world. I experienced the joy of helping people in my last year of high school. I still do now. When you help people, you help yourself. If you are good at maths, teach others and you will improve during that process. If you are good at languages, you can dedicate time to spreading your knowledge. If you can provide mental health support, do it. When you help someone, you save a life. You forget the differences, abilities, or skills they have. You simply reach out and help. When you practice this often, you will realize how easy it is to make fewer comparisons.

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Conclusion

You might feel worthless but you are priceless. You might feel like you are not good enough but you are. Stop thinking you’re doing it wrong. Your path can never look like anybody else’s because it can’t and it shouldn’t. It’s our differences that make us unique and define just how special we are. In this world, you are going to meet people better than you.  But don’t let that get to you. Find that thing that you love. Make it work for you and don’t worry about anyone else. And remember

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.