I regret everything I have done to hurt anyone. Sometimes, I think back on all the people I lost because of my actions, it makes me so sad. I am so sorry if i have hurt you in any way.
I used to be so happy, sharing special moments with friends and making everyone laugh.
I used to have a great sense of humor, telling stories to several people for their amusement.
Then I grew cold, circumstances changed me. My life was crumbling and I was struggling to hold on to myself. I lost everything. Most especially, I lost happiness for a long period. I lost myself.
Now, I am alone. I feel alone. I have learned to enjoy my company. Maybe because I am scared of losing more than I have lost.
I have tried several times to convince myself that I am not a terrible person and that the things happening to me are not happening because I deserve them.
I have been through so much; betrayal, pain, depression, ill health, and loss. I have felt so much for my age. I have dealt with issues bigger than myself. I have struggled with challenges that could swallow an entire person. And I have survived. That’s what keeps me going.
I am writing this with tears because I woke up this morning feeling like I felt in February. I feel like I am losing it again. I can’t stop crying. I just want peace. I want peace so bad that it hurts. I can’t deny that I am getting tired.
I know that I constantly write to encourage and to let people know they are not alone. Yes, you are not. Even in my current state, I have friends who care for me. I’m just going to try and talk to them. I want you to do the same if you feel this way too.
I know that someday, I will begin to heal more than I am doing now. I feel, and I pray that I find that peace I am searching for. You will too.
I have come to realize that once in a while, I will feel like this. I don’t know how often it’s going to happen. I don’t know how long this phase of my life will last but I hope to tell the story of my restoration. Some day, I hope to think about my life and not cry.
Thank you to everyone who has been here for me. It means so much. I love you all.